Post 08: Deep Wounds ~ God want to heal our deep wounds

The butterfly has long represented "a new creation" in Christ

Deep Wounds

God want to heal our deep wounds, those wounds that caused us damage – sometimes seemingly permanent damage – those deep wounds that affect our personality, our relationships, our work, our outlook, our success, and even our walk with God.

All of us have been hurt, to some degree or another, at some point in our lives. All of us have had our feelings hurt, our pride hurt, been attacked for no apparent reason, been misunderstood, et cetera. All of us have had opportunity to “take offense” at someone else’s attitude or actions towards us – and many times we DO take offense. Dutch Sheets covers the topic very beautifully in three of his Give Him 15 (GH15) posts; March 30, 2022 – Don’t Take the Bait, March 31, 2022 – Choose Life, and April 1, 2022 – God Has a Sense of Humor (To view these posts, it is not necessary to download the Give Him 15 App, but it is available in the App Store and Google Play.) These three GH15 posts are excellent and full of truth we can apply. I highly recommend them.

This post I am writing today is about deep wound hurts; those wounds that leave deep scars in our heart, our soul, and even our spirit. Deep wound hurts are wounds that came from DELIBERATE, SYSTEMATIC, LONG-TERM attack on our personhood. Abuse – emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual, physical, and psychological abuse – including neglect of needs, invalidation (or de-valuing), intimidating fear, and attack. Debilitating wounds. Deep scarring wounds.

Can God heal them? And if so, how? And can we cooperate with the healing process?

The obvious answers are: Yes, God can heal us – and wants to heal us – and, yes, we can cooperate with the healing process. So then remains the “how” or the process of healing.

Everything I share in this post is from my personal road to recovery coupled with years of ministry helping others overcome the deep wounds of their past. While I have read many articles both secular and Christian that have confirmed and given better understanding, the Holy Spirit (the very real presence of God in my life), His word, and prayer have revealed and taught me these truths. I wish to share them with you now. I can take no credit, neither do I claim any guarantee of healing. All I can do is present truth. Truth sets you free.  (In John 8:32, speaking to His disciples, Jesus said: And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32 AMP. And are we not His disciples?)

9 Steps towards deep wound healing:

  1. Take the hurt, the pain, the injustice to God – all of it – acknowledging it and allowing yourself to “feel” it as you tell Him all about it. Cry out to Him your hurt, your anger, your emptiness, et cetera.
  2. Forgive those who have hurt you, those who have wounded you, and release them. Forgiveness is a CHOICE – an act of obedience to Christ – not a feeling. Eventually the feelings will line up
  3. Forgive YOURSELF for your part – for feeding it, staying in it, allowing it, acting out of it, hurting others, hurting yourself… whatever and everything
  4. If possible and reasonable, ask for forgiveness (Please note: In abusive situations this may not be a viable, safe option – use wisdom)
  5. Ask God to BLESS those who have hurt you, wrongfully used or accused you; in your prayers, ask God to shower His love on them and extend His mercy to them, and walk in love towards them
  6. Make a deliberate choice to live and to love – choose to be vulnerable again rather than to let your heart be bitter and hard
  7. Do NOT dwell on the pain, the wrong, and the injustice – choose instead to dwell on His love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy – and praise Him for His lovingkindness and mercy are new every morning
    Note: Steps 1-7 should be done out loud, orally, so you hear your voice. There is power in the spoken word. Also, hearing what you are saying is reinforcement – especially when forgiving.
  8. Move forward, asking for God’s help, strength, healing, and wisdom. Ask God to renew your mind, to line up your thoughts with the truth about who you are in Christ – this is how HE sees you! Wash your mind, your thoughts, by reading God’s Word and bringing every thought in line with the truth of His Word (and learn to see others through God’s love)
  9. If necessary, GET OUT. Habitual, deliberate, systematic hurt is abuse; abuse is destructive. Remember that. No one “deserves” to be abused – that is a lie from Satan!

When do you get out, when do you flee, when do you remove yourself from the abusive situation? Abuse is caused by sin. Constantly being “sinned” on is not God’s plan for your life. God wants us to be free from sin and the affects of sin. Seek Him; I believe God can lead you as to whether you should stay or go, or when to go. For me, after nearly 19 years of marriage to a man with explosive, violent anger, God said into my heart, “Enough is enough; get out.” My husband’s anger typically had nothing to do with me, our children, or the current situation; we never knew when it would strike. The fear was debilitating – not to mention the danger and the ensuing physical abuse. But in those 19 years, I gave every hurt to God, and I learned to truly forgive. I learned to lay down my life, to put others first, and to walk in God’s love towards the unlovable.

I was not raised in a perfect home, but it was not an abusive home. I had both parents with a caring grandparent close by. I felt loved and secure. Why I married a man with explosive anger when it was so foreign to me is beyond me. However, those 19 years produced Godly fruit. And, out of those years, I am now able to minister to many, many hurting, broken women. I love to watch as God’s truth set them free!

Then, after my divorce and a long period of healing, I married again. And – yep – you guessed it: I married a very abusive, narcissistic, controlling man. His medical doctor told him he was extremely “obsessive compulsive.” It was worse than that; he was a perfectionist, an idealist, and he expected everyone to be like him. He spent much time trying to perfect me. This, of course, invalidated me. In fact, he de-humanized me; he made me into a non-person, a nothing. This was extremely destructive. I got out seven years later when I was literally looking for a way to end my life. (I didn’t want to end my life; I just didn’t want to live like that anymore!)

After another long period of healing, and no dating, I finally started getting to know a man “well-known” and “well-loved” in the community. We started off very casually but ended up “deep in love.” After about 5 years of frustration in our relationship, I ended the relationship. (You can love a narcissist, but he will never love you.) Our community snubbed me. I was actually verbally attacked for trying to protect myself against his stalking and harassment! (I chose to not take offense, but to walk in forgiveness and ask God to bless those individuals who were – or had been – my friends.) It’s sad (and pathetic), but months later I went back to him. Then, he abruptly ended our relationship when he brutally accused me of having a sexual relationship with someone else: I was suddenly awakened to all the emotional and psychological abuse.

I do not understand all things, I do not see all things… but I do know that through these different abusive relationships (each one with a different focus or type of abuse), I now see “full spectrum” and am better able to encourage others, to speak truth into their lives, and be a part of God setting more people free. And for that, I am grateful. But the damage done to me was extensive. It was deep. I have scars.

Yes, I have deep wounds that need healing and cleansing, and I am in the process of applying these 9 steps, yet again, in my life. And it IS a process. (Oh, it is so much faster now because I know the steps and know the steps really work! I guess you could say I cooperate faster.)

I am a firm believer that God does not waste any experiences in our lives; He can and does redeem. Somehow, Romans 8:28 is true in my life story. May God return to me what was stolen, may He use my life for His purposes, and may His glory be revealed through my life! His Kingdom come and His will be done IN and THROUGH my life! And may I not make the same mistakes!!

We may feel like our hurts are incurable and our wounds grievous (see Jeremiah 30:12), but God’s promise to us in Jeremiah 30:17 is that He WILL restore health to us, and He WILL heal our wounds. May the truth of God’s love, plans and purposes for our lives come to pass as we seek Him and walk through the healing process. I want to encourage you that God cares about you, He knows if you have deep wounds, and His desire is to heal you and set you free! Trust him; cast all your cares on Him – for He cares for you! (from 1 Peter 5:7) And know this, paraphrasing Philippians 1:6; He Who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! Go, and be healed.

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